Biography Workshop Day 1
Parent’s reflection:
How can I do better next time?
What can I do better next time?
By having these reflections, I am a developing parent. And, life is all about self developing.
Age 0-21 we develop body
Age 21-42 we develop soul
Age 42-63 we develop spiritual
Our experiences at age 7-21 will be the reflections at the spiritual stage (42-63) and that time we will slowly reduce this bagage (eperiences 7-21) from our shoulder.
Age 14- 21: Developing our specialities such as very good in math, sports.
Age 21-28: This is the experimental phase. We have to decide on our life direction. Trying out lots of things. It’s either action on impluse or thinking too much and without any action taken.
Age 28-35: This is the ratio phase. We are wiser, maturer and more sensitive. Our hearts start to speak more and more. It is a stage whereby we will be practising balance in between listening to our hearts an rational thinking.
Age 35-42: This is the consciousnes phase. Consciousness in the soul starts to develop. We will starts asking questions like “What else can I archieve besides earning money?” “Is there more than being a SAHM?”
Age 0-21 We acted based on sense organ.
Quotes:
- I am the one who is meeting the challenges in my life and designing my own life.
- We are not the property of our parents nor we are the owner of our children.Kahlil Gibran – 1883-1931
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
- Sometimes there’s rain, sometimes there’s sun, just accept it. This is life.
- Pain is like cracks on shell and there must be cracks to allow lights go into the shell. Kahlil Gibran – 1883-1931
And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
- Vera (the speaker) does not going to tell someone that crack is good for light to come in. (This reminds me on Hui who hated anyone who tells him that his life isn’t any worst than others.)
- If our childhood is not good, there’s still a chance to find ourselves as a survivor from bad childhood.
- We have internal medicine. The source of love is in our heart. Try to look for the beauty around us such as rays of sunshine, kind gestures.
- It is not Dos or Don’ts but a capacity to grow. It happens by nature. It is by self education. It is by educating the children and they become our educators in our soul life.
- Children mirror parents. Hence we will know if we are doing correctly or not by looking at them.
- Friends / colleagues / anyone mirror us as well.
- If i am not good enough, it triggers me to be a better person.
- I just need to be myself.
- Every single person is important.
eg: Vera gave an example in Netherland that many people just threw away their masks on the street and it was the senior citizens who picked them up. It shows that now they are in the stage of contributing to the society after they have been busy in their previous years taking care of family, career, business etc.
- Nature play is very important in young children.
eg: Vera own experience when meeting with China clients. Many years ago, even the Chinese were very poor and endured with hunger during childhood, however, they got plenty of opportunity to play at outdoor such as climbing trees, building mud houses, etc. These were their happy memory and supported them as an adult. However, in the recent years especially city kids, they do not have these nature play experiences and Vera is worry about how are they going to cope with their adult life in future. Vera suggested we need to create/find opportunity to bring our kids to nature and let them explore in it.
- Parents need to be interested in their children.
Ask them about their interest such as internet games. Everyone likes it when someone is interested in their own hobby or interest.
- Whenever there’s a fight between siblings, we as parents need to help our kids to understand each other.
Sit back and let them experience each other.
Calm down the situation first, later on only explain to both siblings that elder child needs to take care of the younger sibling and younger child needs to learn to grow up instead of always complaining to parents.
- Teenager conflicts with parent.
We need to have rules and regulations in place.
Eg: if a teenager was coming home late, parents wait for the next day only talk about it with her. Reminding her that a rule was set and what could be done after she broke the rule.
Biography workshop Day 2
- Socialization is part of education.
- We entered life in sleeping mode and this has been proven by neuro scientist. Kids from 0-7 are in deep relaxation mode.
- Life woke us up around the age of 7.
- Remember to ask for help whenever you are in trouble.
- It is important for us to go back to our nature for example the free young child back in our childhood.
- Aristotle said, “Give me a child until age 7 and I will show you a man.”
- Who saw me when I was a young child? ( Recalling back our childhood)
- Nurture our child to grow his nature.
- Some people repeated the same action from what had seen from their parents.
- Some people disagreed and rejected their parent’s way
– 70s&80s in Western countries are the generation who is anti-authority.
– The parents would tell the kid that you may go to bed whenever you feel like to. And this behaviour will give an impression to the kid that he/she is not seen by their parents.
- We as parents need to listen to our kids and acknowledging the kid.
– kids need to struggle and overcome their own problem
– we could accompany them along the journey by listening to their problems.
- Self care and caring of our kids and family
– enough sleep and eat then only can be a resilient parent.
- Safety
– I become a role model of my kids by keeping myself safe.
- Social life
– Children need to play around with friends and by themselves. This is very important.
– Obeserve their nature and stimulate their potention.
– listen to them without judgement.
- Esteem
– recognition àsome children dislike direct recognition hence parents need to observe the type of kids they are having.
-7-14 children wish to get recognition from their peers and teachers.
– 14-21 is a challenging stage and they need self acceptance/recognition and from others.
- Self fulfilment is the top area in the pyramid that consists of the above 4 areas.
– There’s no path to self fulfilment , self fulfilment is the path.
– In presence.
- We need to weigh our own balance in this pyramid and think of what is our strength and weakness from the 5 areas.
- Children nowadays need the NO medicine.
– No. You cannot have your ipad now.
– No. You cannot have more chocolate as you have already taken a lot.
– Children need boundary.
– Children need to learn to cope with frustration and hence parents should not create a stress-free environment for them.
- Parents need to observe our kids closely and we will know what are their needs.
- Ask: “What is happending with this child?” Instead of, “What is wrong with this child?”
- Each day, drops a little bit of my perfection. Living in perfection is no human.
- After obeserving the child, use trial and error method to solve the problems.
PARENT’S HOUSE By Khalil Gibran
It’s the only house where you can go to dozens of times without an invitation.
The only house where you can put the key in the door and enter directly.
The house that has loving eyes that stare at the Door until they see you.
The house which reminds you of your care free days, stability and your happiness during your Childhood .
The house in which your presence and look at your mother’s and father’s faces is for you a bliss and your conversation with them is a reward.
The house that if you do not go, the hearts of its owners will shrink.
The house in which two candles were burnt to light up the world and fill your life with happiness and joy.
The house where the dining table is pure for you and has no hypocrisy.
The house that if the food time arrives and you don’t eat, the hearts of its owners will be broken and annoyed.
The house that offers you all the laughs & Happiness.